what does it mean to you?

how do you find it?

do you really know what it means?

➳            in order to find my peace, i must see new horizons. i must get lost. the desert is the closest thing to perfection i have found. as an artist, i need freedom, i need clarity, i need change. 

➳                      disease volatility .


christmas valley sand dunes  / lost forest / oregon outback 2018 /



Why Being “Creative” is a Curse + a Cure and Why Art School Made Me Feel Less Like an Artist.

Being creative can be a curse and a cure. I constantly hear, ‘omg you’re so crafty’, ‘ya know I’m just not creative’ and my favorite, ‘I wish I was creative!’. Well, in all fairness, no I am not “crafty”, in fact that is one of my least favorite words of all time. 

We as humans, are indeed creative. We have to make creative decisions every single day. From the clothes we put on our backs, to the blankets we throw on our bed, to the foods we eat, to the way we live each day; we create each day to live. 

For myself, as an artist, I must create. Something that has become apparent over the past years, is I love to share. I crave to inspire. Am I always proud? Hell no. Am I always confident? No. I suppose it’s the same way for an athlete perform/reach a goal. For a chef to serve. For a pastor to preach. Its all in the same–this urge to spread the conversation of creation. Something that I have noticed for myself is that I am greatly affected by my environment. If its not cutting it, if its not inspiring me, then I am out of there. I need to reach that stoke to the point where I can put my mark on it as well, within my work. Since I was 16 I have been able to conform whatever space I was willing to get (paint on) and convert it into my studio. Whether its been a small conformed space or an opportunity to buy a ticket and just leave. Creating these opportunities for yourself are crucial within the creative process. 

 When I was 19 I moved to Norway.

When I was 20 I moved to San Francisco.

When I was 22 I moved to Italy.

Part of this pattern is also a curse but a cure. I need to be on the move. I need to be like a shark, “constantly moving forward, or else it dies” – Woody Allen. Yes it drains my bank account. Yes I have to say a lot of goodbyes. Yes it comes with a lot of independence. I remember when I had the opportunity to be surrounded by so many individuals my age in Sweden and Norway where it is uncommon to go to university after high school. This made me feel so much safer in choosing an alternative route after high school. The world was my text book and all I wanted to do was see the world. With the help of loved ones, and endless support from my family I got to do just that. I feel so grateful. But I was also running away. I didn’t want to face America’s norms. I also was pretty burnt out of everyone in my life.

(Okay I’m going to throw a lot at you here, i’m crunching in about a year and a half into a paragraph.)

Ironically enough I was abroad when I realized I was ready to go back to school. Which I thought at the time was *private* art school. Sure enough after returning back to the states thats exactly what I did. I applied and I got in. I moved to San Francisco with about $400 in my account ready for anything and no fear in the world. Once I was admitted, plus granted scholarship, I was on top of the world. I felt more confident in any decision I have ever made, still to this day.  Everything felt in tune. Private art school: check. Beautiful, historical studio apartment in Haight Ashbury: check. Best friend and roommates: check. New friends, new opportunities, FUN, FUN, FUN: check. I had a good paying job, I started singing in night clubs, integrated myself in to the arts community, I was painting, I even started recording my first album. But of course, just when you think you have it all, life happens to kick you off your high horse. This for me was  a new occurrence. Since my life was so care-free I was honestly used to getting everything I wanted. But then I had to move back to Oregon.

 I quit my job, I got kicked out of my apartment, addicted to drugs, slowly turning into an alcoholic at 21 and pushing everyone important to me out of my life. Thinking I had I had it all under control I really had to look myself in the eyes and ask myself what was best for me. 

 I begged my family to support me in going back to give it one more shot, because after all, I got into my ‘dream school’ and I didn’t want to lose that. It felt like it was all that I had.

After a lot of teeth pulling, I moved back to SF and into my school’s housing  on a housing scholarship. Free housing in the most expensive city in the U.S?!  Wow, everything happens for a reason, right? I started seeing a psychiatrist, per my families request, I started taking medication and  pretty much turned into an anti social weirdo, trying to fit myself into this little bubble that I was in before I left the city. I kept singing, I kept going out, I kept trying. Little did I know, my beautiful, private school’s housing was in the fabulous neighborhood of the Tenderloin district. Well, If you aren’t familiar with the cities districts, the Tenderloin, a.k.a ‘the heart of the city’, is where the homeless population is the worst it’s ever been, and if you ask me, probably the worst on the West Coast. Walking to school every morning to my glorious $70,000 education  was like Hiking through shit and heroin needles. It kind of reminded my of a really scary, dark comedy… and to be honest, everyday I sort of felt like I was living in one. But hey, I was studying film and granted this made me want to be this bad ass, successful, female film director that the school was pushing for me to be. After all Katherine Bigelow is an alumnus, and after all my professor was a Coppola, but at the end of the day, I was exhausted, I was paying an absurd amount of money, to ultimately, paint. I had no real friends, felt this weird emotional relationship with the city, because it wasn’t the same city that I had fallen in love with when I first moved. 

 I’m not just here to shit on the institution, I learned so much about fine art, contemporary art, art theory, contemporary practices, etc. I had different career goals everyday! However, the struggle that I was experiencing living in SF after two years did not become worth it. The expenses people are paying to live in a city that is experiencing a technology takeover, made me feel like art wasn’t the answer any more. It was money. The history of the school, the history of that city (which has always been my first attraction) wasn’t making up for it. Before I started school, making  a living as a hostess/waitress in the mission district, I got to experience the city that I needed at that time in my life. I needed to experience that 2:00 am jazz scene on a Monday night, the nocturnal souls who’s life dedications and passions were for art, culture, humanity. What I wanted to feel, what I needed to feel. Art school was teaching me that money didn’t matter. Money shouldn’t matter when it comes to making your art. But why did it seem like everything surrounding the city was money, money money. The only reason I could afford to be at that school was because of money, money, money.  I had peers living in their cars, peers camping on the campus to boycott the school’s cost , peers experiencing severe addiction problems, severe adolescent breakdowns right in front of my eyes; for their art. Yet, here they were, sacrificing so much, to be in college? Wait, I thought college was supposed to be the “best” time of your life.  If you know me well enough, you’ll know I am a very positive person and I make the most out of anything, but after experiencing what I experienced before I started school, it was a very confusing time in my life, and my work suffered greatly from it.

When I was 16 years old, and discovered Instagram, I saw how I could brand my name, and brand my art/ build my audience. At the end of the day, I want to be my own boss. I don’t want to be building someone else’s brand when I can be putting that time towards building my own. We are all born with a gift and we are all born with dreams. We also, all go through hardships. We can also all overcome them. Who ever knew that pursuing something that brought me more life than anything in the world would be so damn challenging. 

Success doesn’t happen over night and because of these occurrences I step into decisions with a lot more caution. I also have overcome huge barriers within my health. I have learned to talk about my physical and mental health openly and honestly. Which I believe is something that needs to happen more from major influencers in our society. Especially, in my generation.

Being creative can be a curse and a cure. Without my chapter in San Francisco, I wouldn’t have learned some serious life lessons. I wouldn’t have met half of the amazingly, dynamic people that I did. Plus, valuable connections in art, film and music. Being at art school made me feel less like an artist. My entrepreneurial spirit felt broken and I was stuck in my head. I took the opportunity to move to Florence, Italy and study abroad. This is when things really were put in perspective for me. Going to another art school, made me care less about my own business, artists started to freak me out, and I sort of lost my identity within my work. 

Which is why I am transferring to Portland State. I am pursuing more of a business degree to offset my creativity. I feel like having all eggs in one basket towards your creative endeavors can be a dangerous decision. I think this is when balance is very important as an artist.

I want to remind you, this is just my story and everyones is different. I think honesty is the key in everyones journey. Social media can make us look like we’ve ‘made it’ or it can make us look like we haven’t changed. I think the key to remember is that we are in a generation that is  being developed into a society that lives plugged in and ON the grid. At the end of the day, we are all human, and we can really learn from each other. So share what is important. Share to inspire, and share to educate. We are all one and we are all this journey together. 

If you are struggling in your creative journey please reach out ❤



Charcoal Hazelnut Latté

❊ G o o d  M o r n i n g  R e a d e r s ,

What are ya’ll up to this Sunday? I’ve got some jazzy beats playin’ and a lot of ideas runnin’ around my head. I started writing some new lyrics, as well as finally sharing this recipe. It’s usually mornings that do this to me. Ya know, when those creative juices are flowin’. I really could use this latte right about now to be honest, after all I have been sitting on sharing this recipe for over a week because I have been cycling through a lazy Leo spell. Leo’s, ya feel me?

My birthday was on the 31st, and it’s funny because I planned to be on top of a mountain (that I was planning on running up) and posing for that iconic ‘Jordan Year’ picture for my instagram account, but isn’t it funny how when you let go of planning little things and often big things, life takes the reigns and everything happens as it should? Naturally?

I think its important to be in control of your life, but I also think its important to recognize and find a happy medium of trusting intuition and being in the pilot’s seat.

My day of birth was really nice and relaxing. I literally hung out in our hammock all day long underneath the aspens, did some serious meditating, and then went to a lovely dinner at South Bend Bistro here in Sunriver, Oregon. This place had vibes. they have a lovely patio underneath the pine trees, with cute little Italian bistro lights and a wonderful array of locals and families on vacation. It was quite swanky, really. There was a nice alternative mix of jazz and that classic hipster acoustic crap. But you know, young Bendlandia couples eat that sh*t up.

No really I’m kidding, they were playing Bon Iver. I saw him at Sasquatch and he really is amazing. As well as most of the indie, hipster, woodsy acoustic crap. 🙂




This latté is not only flowing out of my mason jar, but it was DEEEELISH.   and quite pleasing on the digestive route of things. If you’re looking TO REALLY cleanse this morning, I highly suggest this combo.
What you’ll need:

For the Latté:

  • Activated Charcoal (powder form) **I got mine from whole foods, you can also find it on amazon. ** MAKE SURE ITS ACTIVATED, DON’T DRINK YOUR CHILDREN’S ART SUPPLIES!**
  • Pacifica hazelnut milk (yay Oregon brands)
  • Organic Maple Syrup
  • Cold pressed coffee
  • ice ice baby


  • Add ice to mason jar
  • add 1 cup cold brew
  • add 1/3 maple syrup
  • add 1 tea spoon charcoal powder
  • fill rest with hazelnut milk
  • sweeten to taste


**I pictured the best coconut fat you can find by the BOX below. thank you Market Of Choice!**

  • Aroy-D coconut cream — JUST USE THE CREAM, not the water
  • 1 teaspoon of activated charcoal powder
  • maple syrup



❊ You can even make art out of your ingredients! (cheesy commentator voice)
Thought this looked like a galaxy/constellation thing or an abstract flower.

I tried to leave it on the counter cause it looked cool, but that didn’t sit well with my roommates…






hello pretty people,

✿ this heat wave has been hitting my inspiration pretty hard, which makes me turn to different platforms to create (photography, blogging, research, music). as a very energy sensitive artist i am greatly affected by my surroundings, and yes the weather plays an enormous part. when its cold and rainy all i want to do is paint, when the suns out with a cool temperature, i totally vibe outside with my supplies and want to paint outside. when its BARBARICALLY hot i honestly curdle up into a ball and cant stand to adventure or be outside. in a way this is a tremendous part of my work ethic because it allows me to do research whether im aware of it or not (you might do the same thing too!). this is when i turn into a hermit and lazy leo, watch my favorite old movies, i get way into editing,writing, i take more pictures rather than painting them, and my favorite thing is, sadly, pinterest. my boards are a huge creative outlet and provide so much inspiration, especially in the fashion world.✿
✿so here is my first fashion blog with a little more insight on who i am, and what inspires not only my soul and my work. i want to bring forth the fashion photography that inspires my everyday AESTHETIC that enhances the bohemian soul that i am. it is my dream to make this my career✿

so, on other note…

✿ I dont know if you’re feelin’ the Indian Summer vibes but I sure am.
✿✿I’M PREDICTING & VIBING WITH A high conversation between modernity and vintage aesthetic this Indian summer. ✿✿


✿ 1950’s aesthetic







✿ When can we see the one stripped hair color come back?? Like Corella Devile? Anyone??✿









((all photos curtesy of pinterest))

Coconut Rice Noodles w/ Caramelized Criminis

Good Evening Readers,

I’m sitting here watching the Central Oregon sunset, next to this giant bowl of a new creation.

Life is funny for me right now. My mediums come and they go. They often stick and stay or they drop by and then run away.

Since I started waiting tables again (gulp), I find myself getting so exhausted after my shifts/ starving for the energy to create.

I will say I do nip this in the bud because as an artist, I truly sleep better at night knowing I have (multiple) projects happening.

I procrastinate just like everyone, and balance is something I am working on everyday, but it’s funny how I can be straight food blogging for an entire month, and then shift to only painting, with no motivation in the kitchen or my camera.

Oh, to be an artist.

It’s a curse but a cure, I like to say.

For some reason the kitchen is becoming inviting again and food is becoming a canvas again.

If you really are keeping posted with my goals and aspirations within my work, yes, having my own food truck/vegan restaurant is still at the top of my list.

My biggest outlet towards that is my food blog.

I hope to gain more experience cooking for groups, dinner parties, events, retreats, etc. + inform/educate humans of all ages and walks of life the benefits and positive energy vegan food brings to your life and the rest of the worlds. ❤

(more than just that one meal you get at your hippie best friends favorite restaurant that prevents you from leaving the toilet for the next 4 days.)

On a serious note,

tonights dinner:

R E C I P E //

  • Coconut Noodles:

-canned coconut cream, coconut aminos, pink salt

*if you want them to be green (fun for kids) add a dash of spirulina powder

  • Caremelized Criminis:

-crimini mushrooms, coconut aminos, maple syrup, pink salt

  • Caremelized Onions:

-olive oil, sesame oil, coconut vinegar, coconut aminos, maple syrup, pink salt

  • Steamed/Sauteed Beet Greens (taste just like chard)

– steam then add coconut vin, coconut aminos, sesame oil, pink salt


top with nasturtium and sesame seeds 🙂

Happy Veganing,





Happy Friday Friends,

I want to start today’s post with a little ‘food for thought’ 

“Do it yourself and they’ll come to you”

We often wait for people to do “it” for us. Whatever that “it” is, it could be a job, a trip, a new house, a new diet, a better lifestyle. Or perhaps we hold back because we see someone doing it better than us.

But guess what? Sometimes that is completely setting us up for failure and in a media obsessed, self-obsessed society, everyones trying to share, share, share. But at the end of the day, just because it’s 2018 doesn’t mean we are any less human than we were 50 years ago, before the social media craze.

I am sharing this because, as an artist I feel self-doubt and I feel insecure often with sharing my work. As an entrepreneur I want to compete and I want to be successful at it. Being a Leo doesn’t help with that either…wink wink.

We are becoming WAY too aware with each-others lives, and the negative side to this is that our population is expanding by the second.

My advice to anyone that is experiencing negative emotion and self doubt in their work is, do some chakra meditation (here is my favorite guided mediation), turn off your phone for more than a day (I dare you), and pour your heart into your passions. Whatever they may be, they are your calling, they are your fire and soul. They are there for a reason! Utilize them. Don’t criticize them.

Why am I sharing this? Well this recipe goes hand in hand with my current ideas that are very new to me.

I was feeling utterly creative with this recipe.

My dream is to have my own food truck and eventually have my own café.

At my café I want to encompass raw and vegan food with an artistic flare that no one has seen before.

I want to have fresh juice, smoothies, raw desserts, salads, and later re-open for globally inspired, vegan fine-dining.

This would most-definley be on the menu!



  • Organic Purple Sweet Potato Gnocchi (courtesy of Market of Choice)
  • Gluten Free Flour
  • Water
  • Pink salt & Pepp.


ENJOY & Please comment below with any questions!

If you decide to try this out please let me know! 🙂




Carrot-Top Pesto?? You’re probably thinking “yuck”, or thinking of names you used to call your least favorite red head…

Hopefully ya’ll don’t get offended by my ongoing sarcasm.


To be honest, we’ve been eating carrot top pesto more than basil in out house now. The carrot-tops have a slight bitterness, very similar to arugula. The farmer we purchased the carrots from at the Bend Farmers Market brought up the idea, and carrot tops should not go to waste! Because they are indeed edible, and they too deserve attention! 

So teach your kids to be nice to red heads and eat your carrot-top pesto.

Carrot-Top Pesto:


  • 1 bunch of carrot-tops
  • 1/2 cup basil
  • 1 cup pine nuts 
  • 1.5 Lemons 
  • 3 cloves of garlic 
  • 1 tablespoon pink salt (more to taste)
  • black pepper and chili flakes
  • 1 cup sun-dried tomatoes 
  • dashes of olive oil (be careful because most jarred sun-dried tomatoes are dense in oil, so your killing two birds with one stone)
  • dashes of balsamic

Blend in food processor.

If its too liquid-y, add more pine nuts or leaves of carrot-top or basil.

if its too much garlic for your liking dilute with some oil or lemon juice. 

Enjoy carrot friends!




Hello Friends,

I am sorry I haven’t posted any recipes in a few days, I have started a new job, been dealing with some, potential, life changes and new paths. Will post more regarding that later!

This is a smoothie I discovered at Mothers Juice Café here in Bend, Oregon like 5 years ago and it has always remained a favorite. Especially if you are cleansing or detoxing, this is a very naturally creamy, filling but clean smoothie.

My Skinny Mint smoothie is going to leave you feeling refreshed, clean, and skinny ❤


I love having this in the morning because the way mint enhances my mood is a REAL THING.

And I totally think mint and other sacred herbs should be incorporated into our diet as MUCH as possible.


  • vanilla almond milk
  • mango
  • pineapple
  • kale
  • fresh mint leaves
  • dashes of cinnamon
blend in your favorite high speed blender and voila!
For best results in seeing the weight come off:

add more kale and drink  

e v e r y d a y !! READ ARTICLE ON HOW HERE!

Remember, if it’s green, it’s good for you. ❤ (as long as its not molding or rotten LOL)